Finding Myself
by Jamoldred
Summary: This starts after the series ends. I tried to avoid spoilers, but there are some Saya leaves Kai behind after saying a sad goodbye. Saya has little hope and is left alone to find herself again. HajjixSaya DONE
1. Saying Goodbye

Saya rested her head on Kai's shoulder. "Kai?" he quirked her and started at his solemn face. "Do you ever wish I didn't get my memory back? Or that none of this had ever happened…like with Riku?"

"Yes……and no." Kai sighed, his chest rising and falling slowly. "Listen Saya, I want you to remember. Memories are a great and beautiful thing. And I know what you have been through. I know some of the decisions you have made haven't been easy. So, yeah, I am glad that you can remember, but it seems as if everyday I find myself regretting things." Kai leaned his head back against the tree. "I want things back to normal, but in some weird way I do like this….this craziness because it's a different normal. Ya know?"

Saya looked at him slightly confused, but then she realized she knew exactly what he was talking about. The normal they once knew no longer existed. This was _their_ normal now. She leaned forward and pulled her knees to her chest. "Kai, things won't be normal again; at least not what the rest of the world defines as normal. Things were never normal. Things can't go back the way they were because everything was a lie. At least now we are living the truth." A black car pulled up and Says knew it was for her. "Well, Hajji's here. I guess I will be going. Good-bye Kai." _I might not see you again. _As Saya got up to leave, Kai grabbed her hand and pulled her into a warm embrace; the last of many.

"Sienara (1) Saya. Dai suki desu. (2)"

"Dai suki desu." Saya wrapped her arms around Kai and held him close all the while choking back a tear and stifling a sob. She let go after what seemed like an eternity and Kai let his arms fall to his sides. She turned away without looking him in the eye, because if she did she would cry and it would make this harder on her and Kai. She ran to the black car and climbed in just as a tear fell from her eye.

xxxxxx

Hajji started at Saya a brief moment before deciding to leave. His foot pressed the metal accelerator to the floor and off they went. he placed his hand on Saya's leg and she closed her fingers around it. She held them tight. They rode together for ten minutes before Says spoke up.

"Hajji, after father's death I was pretty immune to emotions. But, now I feel so……so empty." Hajji glared at her for a moment before returning his attention to the road. He drove on. "Say something Hajji. Anything! Like 'It'll be okay.' or 'It's okay. We all feel that way.'" Tears fell from Saya's eyes as she gasped for breath and whispered, "cause I need to be okay. Even though it isn't." She released Hajji's hand and curled hers into a ball as the tears kept falling.

Hajji drove on keeping silent. He didn't know how to respond. He wanted to comfort her, but he didn't know how. Hajji took a right and then pulled over on the side of the road. Everywhere Saya looked they were surrounded by trees. "Get out." Hajji ordered Saya. She silently obeyed and opened her door only to slam it shut.

"Hajji, what are we doing?" Hajji walked into the woods ignoring Saya's question and signaled her to follow. "Hmph…." Saya walked forward unwillingly following Haji carefully. She had no idea where he was taking her and why. She just followed onward in silence, arguing with herself wether she wanted to turn back now or continue to follow Haji.

She sighed, her curiosity won over. She followed Hajji. He took her deeper into the woods and she didn't think they could find their way back. Sure, Hajji was great and always knew where and when to go, but this time she had a feeling someone, probably herself. She shook her head and the wind around her blew.

It was getting cooler outside and they still had not reached their destination. She knew that when they climbed out of the car the sun was setting and with the trees over head she couldn't tell where the sun was. She wasn't scared. She had fought off caraleans; what was there to be scared of?

Finally Hajji stopped and turned giving her her sword. She smiled as Hajji spoke, "No worries. There is nothing to fight here." Then Hajji turned and sped away lightning fast. Saya blinked. She was stranded in the middle of the woods, with a sword, and no Hajji. She was pissed.

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1. **Sienara** – as many and all should know, this is a way of saying good bye (usually for a long period of time, and it may be used if you are never going to see someone again).

2. **Dai suki desu** - "I love you" This is the PROPER way to say it because if you say Ai shi te ru you're literally saying "I passion for you." (this refers to the passionate way…I want to have sex with you or…well there's really no other way to explain it)


	2. Finally Found

Saya looked around. The place that looked so beautiful at one point had now become a place to fear. Saya knew there was nothing to fear, Hajji had said there was nothing to fight, but still she hated to be alone. She always felt alone lately.

She sighed and listened for Hajji's return. Hajji did not return though. She was left alone and did not to be. It had been too long a day for any of Hajji's tricks and games. Saya sat down near a tree and decided that if Hajji thought it was okay to do this to her then she could certainly choose not to participate.

Saya leaned her head back against a tree and heard cracking twigs behind her. She stood up with her hand on her weapon. "Hajji….?" Saya sighed as she looked around. Maybe it was just nerves. It had to be. She wasn't in the mood for this. She hated this more than anything. Walking around the parameter of the area, she looked to see for any signs of Hajji or whatever was bothering her. There was nothing. No signs of anything. She grumbled under her breath, but as she was about to relax something cracked behind her. She turned and there it was. A chiropteran was right behind her. Its teeth were showing and it looked like it was hungry. _Must be feeding time._ She thought to herself. A small chuckle rose in her throat. The red eyes from the ugly creature stared at her. She clicked her sword of its sheath just a hair. She was ready to take the creature. She closed her eyes and put her hand on the handle.

Opening her eyes, now a vibrant red, Saya pulled her sword out of the sheath and pressed her finger against it so her blood flowed down the blade. The slight pain in her hand from the cut was nothing compared to some of the bumps and bruises she had gotten before….or to what she was about to do to the chiropteran. Of course, they only hurt for a few minutes because she healed so quickly.

Looking at the beast before her, she made the first move. Dodging around it, Saya swung her blade; but was blocked. It was quiet for a brief instant before the chiropteran made contact with her side. Hajji appeared at her side as she hit a tree. It knocked the wind out of her, not something she usually recovered from as quickly as if it were a mere flesh wound. She panted. Hajji moved his coffin shaped carrier in front of him and prepared to attack, but Saya grabbed his arm and told him, "Don't." She panted as she stood all the way up and picked her blade off the cold leaf covered ground. With anger in her eyes, Saya charged the large chiropteran.

She swung with the will to kill. The blade flowed through the air and cut the monster, but it managed to block her next blow. Say wasn't ready to give up yet. She wouldn't until it was dead. Swinging again and again and relentlessly, she kept going until she made contact. Wounded, the chiropteran stumbled back leaving it vulnerable. Quickly, Saya took advantage of the opportunity and struck with a fatal blow to its head. The ugly creature was dead.

Saya sat against a tree panting. Hajji came over and offered his hand to her. She looked up and took her Chevalier's hand. It was slightly colder than hers but it was a comfort to her. "I'm….sorry. I never meant for that to happen." Hajji sighed and Saya giggled.

"Then," She panted a little more, "What did you want to happen?"

Hajji smiled softly as he looked down at her, "For you to work out your frustrations." Saya laughed a lot. It was funny hearing that from him.

"I wasn't frustrated. Just….sad. I hate having to leave the people I care about most." Saya wrapped her arms around Hajji and looked up at his somber grey eyes, "Promise you won't ever leave me…" She hugged him tighter. Hajji's arms wrapped around her waist and he smiled.

"I promise." He kissed her forehead, but Saya wanted more. She kissed him on the lips and he returned the kiss as well.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Author's Note –

Sorry it took me so long to get up the second chapter. This is the end though, so you will not have to wait a whole 3 months for chapter three to be posted. That's the good news, the bad news, this is the last chapter. (Yes, only two chapters. I wanted to see how people accepted my writing style before I did something more detailed.)

Thanks to – All of my loyal readers and commenters. You deserve it for putting up with spelling mistakes, bad grammar, and a lazy author.

My friends, because you have been amazing amusement.distractions.

Well….I guess that's all. LOVE YOU ALL!


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